Love on the first sight

The moment I saw you I knew it was love on the first sight. I saw how you loved what you did there in the kitchen of that restaurant. I felt my heartbeat got faster. I felt a little shy. My cheeks where turning red. And mini me was excited to get to know you. I was not looking for love, and there, in that restaurant I found it. 

Our first dates were like a fairytale. The princess met her prince. You were soft, kind and gentle with me. You took me to nice places. I didn't only fall in love with you. You made me fall in love with your city too. The more we where together, the more I felt something was off. And when I found out... my world fall apart. 

The sweet little lies about important things broke my heart in thousand pieces. My first love betrayed me. And I betrayed myself by staying with you. The past years I kept asking myself "why did I stay?". I really don't know. Maybe I stayed because I met you in your pain. You told me a few things about your past. And all I wanted for you and me was to grow together. Because I saw the potential in you, in me, and in us as a couple. 

And then... at one day we grew apart. My heart shattered in pieces. We were fighting about the little things. The fights became bigger and bigger. And then... you went violent to me. The loving relationship became a abusive relationship. I remember the first time from the abuse. I thought I was gonna die that day. You strangled me until my lights turned off. I survived. But a part of me died that day. 

The man I loved and trusted betrayed me in a way words can't describe. Not once... not twice. It happend multiple times. And yet... I still love you. Because I see your pain. Because I see the good in you. I see you're struggling in life even the times you try to hide it. 

I'm so sorry. Because I betrayed you too. By getting a relationship with one of your friends. I never ment to hurt you. And still I did. He made me feel safe. He told me he would teach me what love really is. And at the end, he betrayed me, because he was a wolf dressed up like a sheep. 

You're still my first and last love. And you always will be. 

I love you forever. I love you until I have my last breath and leaving this cruel and dark world when I get older and die. I will always remember you're the one and I fucked up this time really bad. 

I hope at one day you will forgive me. Not because I forgive you. But because you see me, my pain and the good in me too.